JOURNAL.

Today me and my friend discussed a topic of 'Red String'. It was interesting to both hear and learn about, I asked my friend how it was possible to know if you've met 'the one'. Here is how it went.

Why do you think about the red string, Chu?
I think about it because a lot of examples you've listed about finding your possible person, are something I see myself relating to.

Well, what makes you think you might have found your person? What signs?

I crave for their touch, a lot, not just touch, but to simply just be there with them no matter what it is we are doing together, we don't even have to do anything, like a velcro dog that follows no matter where they go, no matter what could possibly happen. Simply just being there with them, is all I could ever need and want in my life.

I always struggled saying no to things, they don't make me feel stressed or pressured after I say no, I feel like I can say no without worry of angering them in any way, if they give me boundaries, i'll always make sure to respect and follow as they asked, I respect them dearly. Why? because they do the same for me too, and I'm beyond grateful for that.

They make me feel safe, comfortable, like I can actually be myself for once without being judged. I consider them my haven, I was scared before. But words can make wonders, hearing them allowed me to know there is never anything to stress or be scared about, I take their word and I trust them.
Speaking of trust, I trust them enough to know that so long as we are together, everything is going to be okay, that is how safe they make me feel. I know they'll always be there for me, and to help me when I need it most, just like I will for them. I hope, and know, that they and I could find a solution together.

Just like they have my back, and is there for me when I need it most, they give me a reason to keep existing. As much as I hate to admit, before getting in touch with them, I wasn't doing good mentally. I didn't think I was going to even make it this far into my age, I don't know how much longer I would've been able to keep pushing, but they made all of that change, changed because they give me a reason to look forward to something, a reason to keep going.

I understand and know they and I are nowhere near partners, nor possibly would be, but I do certainly get jealous and annoyed, envious, over things, a lot when it comes to them and I. Sometimes, just seeing or knowing they've been having a better time with someone else other than me is enough to make me jealous, in fact, sometimes it even frightens me.

Or, maybe I'm just confusing myself, maybe i've mistaken. Maybe there is no red string at all and this is something deeper that I long for and search for in someone, in those I get attached to, something I myself don't even know of. Whatever it is. Related, but not related, sometimes I even find ourselves in characters from certain medias, they remind me of us at times, sometimes I wonder if they ever think that way about me too.

I would go through great lengths for them, in fact i'd do just about anything they ask of me to do, no matter what. They're someone I would never want to lose. To me, I think this person is my soulmate. I wish they could see how important they are to me, sometimes, I find myself wondering if I should let go, and come to realize just maybe they aren't my soulmate, but I know I'd never be able to do that, because I'd end up trying to find them in another person, and no matter how many people, there is going to be nobody.